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On the whole, parents just want what is best for their children – from their own perspective.

The challenge in communication comes when they do not see that their vision no longer meets 21st century educational approaches, and instead refer back to their own educational experiences of some 30 years ago. Sometimes, too, they do not see what their children really want or where their strengths lie.

Some parents will handhold and spoonfeed their children too much; others will not be involved at all. Finding the right balance is important, and this is often where the counsellor becomes the advocate for the student, the support for the parents and the mediator between all parties.

Meeting the parents where they are

When communicating with parents, ensure that you understand and are sensitively responsive to their cultural, social and educational background. For an initial insight into this, connect with the student alone first and ask them a little about their family and educational background.

Then, when meeting the parents, allow them to share their thoughts and views right at the start, to gauge their understanding and perspective. This in turn allows you to meet them where they are.

When engaging in a challenging conversation with parents, remember that, ultimately, you both have the same goal: to support the student in their best next steps. Be an active listener – let the parents talk first. Paraphrase what they have said and ask questions by using sentence starters such as, “May I clarify with you…” and “If I understand you correctly, then…”.

Remember to pause during the conversation, too. Allow everyone talking time and thinking time. Pausing also slows down challenging conversations and gives everyone time to breathe and reflect. Through this, and through being mindful of your own tone of voice and body language, ensure that you are showing understanding and empathy.

An amicable collaboration 

Especially in a first meeting, offer suggestions that parents can discuss along with their child, rather than giving them a factual and obligatory to-do list.

If, for any reason, a parent meeting gets a little heated, you should calmly suggest that you reschedule this conversation. Next time, invite a colleague or senior leader into the meeting so that they will be able to support the conversation using their own professional experiences. This will also allow parents to hear an additional perspective.

And remember that we are the professionals. So be flexible, patient and open-minded. You might not achieve all your goals in that one meeting, but you are, more importantly, building a trusting relationship with the parents to ensure that your journey together is an amicable collaboration for the student’s sake.

After that first meeting, make sure you stick to the school’s communication protocols, communicating regularly with students, parents and the greater community. And be mindful that your communication might need to be slightly differentiated depending on the needs and engagement levels of the parents.

Once you have established amicable norms for communication, consider how you will continue to collaborate with the parents. Continue to develop a nurturing relationship, which will benefit the student.

Planning five steps ahead

Encourage the parent community to collaborate with you, to help host or even present at career and university fairs. Some working parents might also be able to offer internships for students. In countries where local labour laws mean that this is not an option, find a way for parents to host students for a day or two of work-shadowing experience, as well as helping them find internship opportunities in other countries during the longer summer holiday.

And connect with alumni and other college students from the community to host workshops and guest speakers, so that students can hear first-hand perspectives and advice from their slightly older peers.

Be proactive in all that you do. Think and plan five steps ahead when working with parents. Involve your teacher colleagues for extra support, whether in building relationships, co-hosting with parents and even building industrial information and real-world situations into their curriculum lessons.

Teachers also need to build a good rapport with parents so that they can assist you if course or academic pathway changes need to be made, because this will need to be communicated and approved by parents too.

And always provide data and clear information in all that you do. Have a website that parents can have easy access to, containing dates and details about workshops you are hosting for them and their students. Offer dinner-table topics for discussion, as well as simple-to-follow guidelines on the application process for each country.

Build positive and trusting relationships, involve parents, regularly communicate with them and show that you all want what is best for their child.