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In a shock interview with The Poppletonian, our long-serving Professor of Theology, Gordon Greenwich, has confessed that he is no longer able to believe in the existence of God.

"Absolutely brilliant." "What a wonderful place." "Such a caring institution." "It's been fabulous." "My kind of campus." "Beyond my wildest dreams."

Our more senior academics responded vigorously to last week's news in Times ÖйúAƬ that universities were not allowing dons over the age of 65 to remain in post.