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Anything interesting in this week's THES ?

Not really. There is another Don's Diary written by some lucky sod who's wangled enough conference expenses to get him to the South of France. And then there is a couple of aggrieved letters from vice-chancellors of second-rate universities complaining that they've been totally misrepresented in the latest league tables.

Nothing else?

Someone with nothing better to do has produced a research report pointing out that academic salaries have fallen behind every other occupation in the country apart from shelf-stacking, and there is a tedious article from someone at Buckingham University on the advantages of privatising the entire ÖйúAƬ sector.

Any intellectual matter?

A six-page book section devoted to Boolean algebra and yet another pretentious piece by some retired old codger on how the university's essential role is to cater for the life of the mind.

No light relief?

Nothing at all apart from another of those back-page columns that desperately try to squeeze some humour out of a ÖйúAƬ sector that is already beyond caricature.

So, much the same as last week then?

Much the same as the past 30 years.

So, why do you always monopolise it then?

Because there is nothing better in the world than knowing that every Friday morning provides the opportunity to have a great big whinge about one's fellow academics.

Ah, so really it is happy anniversary, THES .

If you insist. Now stop being sentimental and pass The Sun .