You have reached the Piercemuller residence. There's no one here at the moment, but do leave a message.

Dr Piercemuller. This is Maureen. Again. I have a very urgent message and unless you pick up the phone, I will start to read Great Expectations and I will go on reading until your tape runs out.

Maureen. Gosh, still working? I thought you'd have started your long Easter break. Sorry not to have got back before but I've been busy on the other line downloading research material. How can I help?

We've had a letter from the media studies research assessment exercise panel querying one of your publications. They can't find any record of your study of emergent forms of digital entertainment: Digitalising the Future .

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Digitising the Future , Maureen.

Whatever. They also say that this latest publication sounds very similar to the one submitted in the last round that was called The Future of Digitalisation .

Digitisation .

Whatever. They'd like you to send them the latest volume for inspection.

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Can't they contact my publishers?

They tried. But it seems that nobody has ever heard of the University of Erewhon Press.

Extraordinary. Where on earth do they find these panellists?

I've no idea. But they've asked if you would put a copy in tomorrow's post. Is that all right? Dr Piercemuller? Are you there?

You have reached the Piercemuller residence. There's no one here at the moment, but do leave a message.

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Dr Piercemuller, I did warn you. "My father's family name being Pirrip, and my christian name Philip, my infant tongue could make of both names nothing longer or more explicit than Pip. So, I called myself Pip, and came to be called Pip..."