"The Poppletonians are coming!" That was the exultant reaction of our vice-chancellor to the news that our university had leapt seven places in the 2009 World University Rankings.

"We've still some way to go before we can challenge the likes of Cambridge and University College London," he told a specially convened meeting of the Faculty Board, "but we've shown a clean pair of heels to the University of Cuidad Barquilla and the University College of Borrioboola-Gha, and are well placed to overtake the University College Designate of East Mordheim."

The meeting concluded with a chant of "We're going up, up, up!" and the circulation of mixed biscuits.

Those Global Rankings in Full

University College Designate of East Mordheim: 8,614
University of Poppleton: 8,615*
Prostokvashina Institute of ÖйúAƬ: 8,616
University of ?reskoga: 8,617
University COllege of Cuidad Baraquilla: 8,618
University of Borrioboola-Gha: 8,619
*Denotes rises of 7 places

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Resignation

We regret to announce the involuntary resignation from 14 October of our Head of Research Impact, Mr Gerald Thudd.

Mr Thudd was appointed to the position on 2 October, following the announcement by Hefce that "impact" would count for 25 per cent in the new research excellence framework.

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However, after the declaration on 6 October by the Shadow Universities Secretary, David Willetts, that he did not wish to see "impact statements imported into the REF", it was decided by the university that Mr Thudd's incumbency should be terminated.

Mr Thudd told The Poppletonian that he was saddened by "this sudden loss of impact".

"There's nothing more frustrating", he said, "than to be ready to make an impact and then to be told that that impact is no longer required."

We hear that Mr Thudd has already secured another post with a government agency working on the development of identity cards.

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Room changes

Following the unfortunate scenes in the atrium of David Willetts College last week, please note that all Thursday lectures scheduled for lecture room PX42 have now been rescheduled for PX34, except for first-year Palaeontology for Business, which will move to PX31, and second-year Getting Started on Wittgenstein, which will move to PX18. This will allow Forensic Murder to move into PX42 and free up PX19 for the Hermeneutics Access course. Alternative Medicine lectures will remain in Squash Court 2 while Intermediate Wordsworth will temporarily be held beside the lake beneath the trees.

The everyday experience of excellence

What makes Poppleton a World-Beater: the view from the campus floor

G. Lapping, Department of Media and Cultural Studies, writes:

All universities talk about their vision and about how they value their staff. But at Poppleton, these aren't just words beginning with "v". Oh no. At Poppleton they mean something. They mean an ongoing commitment to genuine excellence and thoroughgoing co-operation and big ideas and big people. Oh yes. Poppleton isn't just a university. It's a state of mind, a way of life, a sleeping giant, a pint of bitter, a Scotch egg and a bag of pork scratchings. Oh yes (continued on our website - ed).

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Thought for the Week

(contributed by Jennifer Doubleday, Head of Personal Development)

"Please note that next week's seminar, Dealing with Difficult People, is recommended for those who have to deal with difficult people rather than for difficult people themselves."

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lolsoc@dircon.co.uk.